10 iPhone Apps they Haven't Invented Yet

10 iPhone Apps they Haven't Invented Yet

Apparently over 100,000 individual iPhone apps have been created; and according to AdMob your average iPhone user downloads 9 apps per month.

So, you would be forgiven for thinking that the market is pretty well covered... But sadly not. We are still holding on for these babies to be launched... We would pay at least 59p for any one of these:

1. Sick Note

As effective as a note from your Mum to excuse you from PE. If you really need a duvet day, but are not actually ill, the sick note is for you. Using state of the art voice modification technology you can give an oscar-worthy performance which will fool your boss so completely you will probably get the whole week off.

2. Get me out of here... Now!

Ah online dating, the curse of the modern age. Sometimes your best efforts to really get to know that special someone prior to that all important first date amount to nought. It becomes immediately obvious that in ‘real life' they have all the humour and charisma of a soggy sheet of Bounty kitchen roll. Oh and to add insult to injury they look nothing like their profile picture.

Do not panic, ‘Get me out of here...Now!' app is on hand. Rather than relying on your so-called mate to actually remember to call you, you can now schedule calls ahead of time, or press the ‘panic' button to get a call instantly.

Take the call... apologise, then make like a one-eared painter.

3. Car Locator

Some apps claim to do this, but clearly they do not. You have to go through the rigmarole of pin pointing the place you parked on a map, and then your iPhone can guide you back there. Durr...what if I forget to pin point it on the map? Also, if I do pin point it, I will know where I have parked anyway. Rubbish.

This one is far superior. No need to mess about pin pointing on maps etc. This baby uses military technology, and erm magic... Like fairies, or something. Anyway, that bit is not important. Point is, no matter where you have parked your car, you can find it again. Sweet.

4. Bird Magnet

Tsk! Get your mind out of the gutter! This is an app for bird watchers. Been waiting in a cold muddy field for hours hoping to spot a red-breasted merganser? All out of cheese and pickle sandwiches? Wait no longer, friend. With your trusty bird magnet app, they will be flocking to you.

5. Ruby Slippers

Ever experienced a Dorothy moment? A point in the evening, whereupon suddenly the realisation hits you...Right between the eyes. ‘There's no place like home!'

Sadly home is several night buses away and there's a taxi queue a mile long. Bad times.

But all is not lost Dorothy. Simply open up your Ruby Slippers app, click your heels together three times, and say there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home.

You will be magically transported home, and tucked up safe and warm in bed.

6. Flux Capacitor

No need for a DeLorean (which is frankly not compatible with multi-storey car parks anyway). This app will turn any car into a time machine.

Late for work? Don't sweat it. You will not even need to hit 88 miles an hour (which can be tricky in rush hour traffic and is illegal anyway). Just fire up the app, enter your desired date and time and provided you can hit 5 miles per hour, you are good to go.

7. She/He Cannae Take It Captain!

Prone to a wind up? Often described as sarcastic/offensive/rude? This is the app for you. Clearly only useful when interacting with those you really care about the ‘She/He Cannae Take It Captain' app was inspired by Star Trek.

No need for a personality transplant - this app will warn you when your behaviour is going beyond the realms of normality and provide a handy warning prior to you destroying your friendship/relationship before it is irrevocably beyond repair.

Oh, and it features someone who sounds quite similar to James Doohan... So long as you are not listening too closely.

8. What Goes on Tour...

Handy for hen nights, stag nights and holidays alike, the what goes on tour (stays on tour) app will save your blushes, and perhaps a lot more besides.

Utilising the same neuralyzer technology employed in the film Men in Black this app allows you to simply and painlessly wipe your friends' memories. No chance of them blabbing now eh?

Oh and it'll also hack their Facebook accounts and delete any photographic evidence too.

Rest easy, what goes on tour... really will stay on tour.

9. The Breathalyser

We have all been there. You have had a fabulous night out. You have danced (or watched others dancing), you have even had a kebab... But something's missing.

You have an epiphany. It's your ex! That is what is missing. You know what would be great? If you called them. They would probably be really pleased to hear from you. So what if it is 4am! It's romantic! You call them.

It does not go quite as well as you had hoped.

The morning (or perhaps afternoon) after, in the cold light of day it is mortifying. Fortunately, with the breathalyser this will happen no more.

Using the same technology which the police use, your iPhone will automatically breathalyse you and assess whether or not it is a good idea to make that call. If you are over the limit your phone will not connect. You won't be able to text either. Now, just sit back and enjoy that kebab, safe in the knowledge that you have not disgraced yourself. Well not in trying to talk to your ex anyway.

10. T-1000

Rather than being hell bent on causing the untimely demise of a young John Connor, this app instead is pretty darn useful day to day.

Lost your keys? Do not worry. Just fire up the T-1000 app, point it at your front door and the mimetic poly-alloy will assume the shape of your key enabling you to open the door.

How does it work? The mimetic poly alloy is transmitted via wireless technology direct from the future. It's amazing what they can do these days...